Change is one of those words that can feel heavy. For many people, it’s not the change itself that’s the hardest part — it’s the fear of change. Even when “now” is uncomfortable, it can feel safer than stepping into the unknown.
Think about it:
Staying in a job that drains you, because it pays the bills.
Remaining in a relationship that feels stagnant, because at least it’s familiar.
Holding onto habits that don’t serve you, because they’re easier than starting fresh.
Even if the present is technically undesirable, it can still feel less scary than what comes next. Because the truth is, once you commit to change, what is current will never be possible again. There’s no going back. And that permanence can feel overwhelming.
The Paradox of Comfort in Discomfort
We humans have an incredible capacity to find comfort in discomfort. We tolerate stress, lack of fulfilment, and even unhappiness — because at least it’s known.
The unknown requires us to let go. It asks us to release identities, routines, even relationships that once felt secure. It invites us into a future we can’t fully see. And that is terrifying for many of us.
So, we take the easier option: to do nothing. To cling to the safety of the known, even when it’s not working.
But there’s another layer to this fear that’s even more surprising.
Do We Really Fear Failure… or Success?
Here’s something I see often in coaching: it’s not always failure people are afraid of. In fact, failure is strangely manageable. Failure can be rationalised. It allows us to return to the status quo, to retreat into what we know, to say, “At least I tried.”
What’s far more unsettling is the possibility of success.
Because success means change too.
If you succeed in leaving your job, you’ll need to redefine your identity, build new routines, and step into a new version of yourself.
If you succeed in building a business, you’ll face bigger responsibilities, greater expectations, and visibility you’ve never had before.
If you succeed in changing your lifestyle, you might outgrow people, habits, or environments that once defined you.
Failure lets us stay who we are. Success demands that we become who we could be.
Insights from Psychology
This paradox isn’t new. The great psychologist Abraham Maslow described it as the Jonah Complex — “the fear of one’s own greatness, the evasion of one’s destiny, or the avoidance of exercising one’s talents.” In other words, we’re not just afraid of falling short; we’re afraid of fully stepping into our potential.
Modern psychology backs this up. Fear of success often ties to imposter syndrome, social anxiety, guilt about surpassing others, or the weight of higher expectations (Verywell Mind).
As author Charles F. Glassman reminds us:
“Fear of failure and/or fear of success can sabotage our best efforts. Knowing that situations causing these fears rarely represent actual danger can eliminate many anxieties.”
And as a Forbes feature on the subject noted:
“The fear of success involves anxiety about achieving one’s goals and the potential consequences that accompany that achievement. It is the unease about stepping into a new level of accomplishment and facing the unknown challenges it may bring.”
Put simply: success changes us, and change can be uncomfortable — even when it’s good.
The Shift: From Fear to Wanting
The first step, then, isn’t reinventing your entire life overnight. It’s something much simpler, but far more profound: you have to want the change more than you fear it.
That’s the tipping point. Desire outweighs fear. You stop clinging to what is comfortable but unfulfilling, and you start reaching for what could be.
How Coaching Tips the Balance
This is where coaching comes in. A coach doesn’t just tell you what to do. They create the space to explore your fears, your values, and your aspirations. They help you see the gap between where you are and where you could be — and then support you to bridge it.
Through coaching, you can:
Clarify what you really want — your vision of change, success, and fulfilment.
Understand and reframe your fears — whether they come from fear of failure or fear of success.
Take small, intentional steps forward — so momentum builds, and fear becomes quieter over time.
It’s not about erasing fear entirely. It’s about recognising it, naming it, and choosing not to let it be in charge of your life.
The Evidence: Why Coaching Works
It’s not just my experience with clients that proves this. The data is compelling:
87% of organisations say executive coaching delivers a high ROI (International Coaching Federation).
Coaching improves individual performance and productivity by as much as 70% (CJPI).
Clients report a median ROI of 7×, with some reporting as much as 50× returns (Luisa Zhou).
82% of leaders say coaching improves their leadership effectiveness (Kinkajou Consulting).
Coaching has been shown to improve wellbeing, resilience, and coping skills alongside performance outcomes (Kinkajou Consulting).
The research is clear: coaching doesn’t just help you dream about change — it helps you make it real.
Your Invitation
So if you’re feeling stuck, ask yourself: Do I want the change more than I fear it? And be honest: Am I more afraid of failing, or of succeeding?
Because staying the same might feel safe, but it costs you joy, energy, and the chance to live in alignment with who you really are. The unknown may be scary, but it’s also the only place new possibilities live.
Success isn’t something to fear. It’s an invitation to step into the fullest version of yourself.
And if you’re ready to take that first step, coaching can be the support, the challenge, and the accountability that helps you walk into that unknown with confidence.
